Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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