so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
