Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
