please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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