I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
