I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
