Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
