I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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