I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
