i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
