I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize