i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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