I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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