Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
