Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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