I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
