I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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