I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
