remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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