So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
