ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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