I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
