Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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