I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
