Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You are a genius and a whore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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