New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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