Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
