I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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