Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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