In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
