Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
