i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
