just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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