I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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