he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
