you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I cut my penus on the lid.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
