need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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