Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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