I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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