uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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