Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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