2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
