I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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