i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
