Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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