Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
