I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
