Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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