I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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