4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize