We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
