he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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