it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
