Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
