Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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