see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
