I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
