so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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