We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize