It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dick very happy bro
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
