So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I could fuck to npr.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
