Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
