I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
