Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
pray to the hookup gods
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
