everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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