he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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