I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
