when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
