She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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