shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
dude. I can hear the air.
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