hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
