literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
