She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
