There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
