It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
