If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
